Mindset & Confidence

Less of what you don’t want. More of what you do want.

BY Eloise Davis

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If you want it, you got it.

Less of what you don’t want. More of what you do want.

In the words of Ariana Grande’s song ‘7 rings’ she says ‘I want it, I got it.’ If Ariana can do it, then so can we.

Earlier this year I discovered that our magical minds can be seen as a musical playlist. I decided to document it in a 21 day journey and it was published a couple of months later as my debut novel. If we play a song, absorb the lyrics, relate to the emotions and to put it simply : if it makes us feel like we are bossing it and it makes us feel like we can conquer our dreams then what is stopping us from applying it to our lives?

It isn’t about comparing ourselves to women that are absolutely killing it in the media, it is about seeing other strong women around us, seeing them as human with real emotion, learning from what they have done, how they have dealt with situations and come out the other side shining their magical bright light. It is looking at women such as Ariana and realising we are all killing it on a daily basis like she is, by simply being a beautifully strong woman in today’s world. The power and magic is in our hands and our minds.

Like any everyday young woman growing up in today’s world I have seen what women have done to be successful, music artists in particular have always caught my little eye. I am a music fan yeah of course but there was always more to it than this. The influence? The power? The just damn right positivity that a lot of women portray? All of the above. Their belief and love for themselves was what I wanted to achieve. It is true, self love really does change it all up.

Of course it is not just purely, putting a song on, dancing in front of the mirror, holding your hand as a microphone and seeing yourself on stage as that performer. No but this is definitely a fun exercise as a bit of a starter that can contribute to the bigger picture. Here are a few ideas I had that got me my first book published and I will never look back at the life I had as a young woman who had over 10 years of mental health related illnesses with little self esteem, a pretend smile and a desire to get out of that place so desperately she wanted to get out of.

Here are a few mixes I have about getting what you want out of your life. Veering off the mindset of what you don’t want and looking forward more to what you do want. You are the creator of your life. The painter. The artist. The sparkly canvas is yours to create your work of life on, isn’t it time we coloured it the way we wanted? The one we would want to tell our inner child about to prepare her for. If you do decide to follow these steps I imagine you will be thanking yourself later and giving yourself a huge cuddle or a fist pump, either one it will drive you into the sparkly direction you are looking for. The crown is yours to take, if you want it.

1. A Daily Practise Of Gratitude.

Whether or not it is a cold Autumnal morning and you are waiting patiently on the train platform for your train to arrive for another day at the office. Give the experience a little thanks. It can be thanking the journey even in advance, the situation or even the day itself. Giving thanks for moments in life that make you feel less positive or motivating actually can be made to feel better and seem less like a ‘doom and gloom’ day.

I say waiting for a train but this can be applied to small or big events. If you are in a mindset of thanking the experience it really does take the negativity out of it. The song ‘Thank u, next’ comes to mind. Sometimes it is easier said then done, a good way to do this if you struggle at first is saying ‘Thank you’ over and over, or saying thank you every time you move a part of your body, under your breath or in your mind.

You may think why would I thank such an experience if I’m not feeling good? That is the point! In any situation, whether it is a break up, an issue at work, a cold morning, a fall on the pavement or a slip in our mood – thanking that moment or experience means not only can we learn from it, but we can appreciate that something good will come of it and we can learn what to do next time. Every experience can be seen as a teaching. We are our own teachers. Since I wrote my novel I have listened to a ‘Thank you’ song I found – I am convinced when I thank the day in advance and give gratitude I feel effortlessly more relaxed about what is in store for me. Feeling grateful for positive experiences can magnet such events and produce more moments like that too.

If you want it, thank it. You got it.

2. A Daily Dose Of Self Love.

Self Love changed my life. In January 2019 I had no idea what it even meant to have this sprinkle of ‘Self Love’. I light heartedly made it my New Year’s Resolution to have some of this potion that seemed to help a lot of women, whether or not I consciously knew it did I am unsure but there was something about loving yourself that really did appeal to me, probably because I had never done it before.

It has changed who I now see in the mirror. Not only that, it has improved my relationships with others and the change I wanted to see in myself and the world has happened. Whether it is a positive daily affirmation such as ‘I am beautiful’, ‘I am enough’, ‘I am a boss!’ ‘I am fierce and bold!’ The choice is yours. Choose wisely. It can be the thing you think of that day if you have any moments where you feel like the world could cave in at any point. Affirmations can be done in your mind, in front of the mirror or even in your mind. You can even write them down to make them feel even more real. I find if I say the affirmation over and over in my mind I begin to believe it more and more until all I think about is being that word and feeling. Any time you have a moment to give thanks, do it.

If you want self love, you got it.

3. Exercising. Not only your body but also your mind.

For a typical woman working a 9-5 job it can be hard to make room for physical exercise every day. For me personally I do like to do some form of physical exercise. Even if it is just strolling down to the shops if my legs are sore from a gym class. If I can’t get to the gym that day for whatever reason, because let’s be honest life can be busy, I find that exercising my mind is just as powerful. If you want to feel good in your mind and body it is yours, routine can help with this change in mindset. Whether or not it is meditation, listening to a collection of my favourite songs, reading a book, dancing, singing, it is all contributing into our better self who we know is at the side line cheerleading us to carry on. Even saying words in my body has really helped, it may sound quirky but ‘I love my stomach’ over and over has really helped how I see my physical body too with previous feelings of insecurities. I wanted to feel good in my body, I got there. So can you.

If you want it, you got it.

4. Creatively Writing. Anything!

A blog. An article. A journal. A thought. A feeling. Even a story. A daily list of what needs to be done in an expressive way. Take that time out for yourself. I think that the power of writing our thoughts or feelings can sometimes be underestimated of its power. I used to wake up in the morning feeling fuzzy and clouded which did have an effect on my mood and feelings of the day. When I write either a thought or feeling down, even a list of what I need to get done that day I am convinced the day breezes a lot better. I do believe that sharing stories is a part of not only healing yourself, helping others but sharing ideas with other people can not only motivate you but it can inspire you to be the person you really want to see in your wonderful world. Sharing stories with other women is magical and so up lifting too.

If you want it, you got it.

5. Visualisation.

I never knew what this word was about. Visualising what? Visualising yourself? Your dream job? Your ideal partner? Your desirable home? I discovered it is all of the above.

I bought a vision board earlier this year and to put it simply it made me look forward. I popped up a few things and photos that made me smile. Smiling at it makes me smile more at the world. It can be a really fun exercise to do because you can dream as big as you want. Visualisation is about dreaming. Take a moment in the day to visualise something you want from the day or your life.

Dreaming what you want to become, painting it in your mind and trusting that you will reach that place, if you can dream it then why can’t it happen? If it has happened before as well by someone else – who is to say you can’t achieve that goal too? Of course there are limitations and often obstacles that will enter throughout that journey, but that is a part of the adventure. That is when you really get to grips on believing that detours can lead you to beautiful destinations. Focus on the good and visualise it. Waiting for that text back? Waiting for that moment to arrive? Visualise it.

If you want it, you got it.

6. Shining a light on the past.

If we look at our past in darkness, if we look at anything in fact through a dark tunnel or stained tinted lense then that is what we can expect to see in our present and future. Focus on more of what you want to see. Expectations. It is only when we look at things in a positive way such as our past that we are able to look forward. Even thanking our past and letting go of past pain, experiences can take that burden off and make us feel oh so much lighter! If we think of our past as being lessons, people we have met as being teachers helping us along the way to achieve what we truly want out of life we are well on the road to see the person we believe is very much there in the light. That light you see at the end of that dark tunnel is always going to be you. Believing that is a feeling of self love. If you want to let go of the past, you can. Focusing on the positives of the past can help that but looking forward positively is always achievable.

If you want it, you got it.

7. Believe in you, your story, your journey and your end destination.

It might sound cliche to say oh just ‘believe in yourself’. We really do have to do this if we want to be our own bosses. I learnt that I never really believed in myself for much of my youth, and that really did affect my confidence, well being and how I felt about my place in the world. We all have a story, we all have a belief structure, we all have core values that we want to live life by, are we living by the rules we want our inner child to thank us for in the future? I know that when you do truly believe in yourself, in your core, your world really can change for the better. Be your own best friend. Be the person you want to be, not what you are told to be or what you don’t want to be… the one you will be thanking yourself for later. Focus on your strengths rather than the things you don’t like so much.

Believing in you is everything.

If you want it, you got it. 

8. Saying No. Focus on experiences to say yes to.

The importance of the word no is huge. Not only to our bodies, our minds but for our whole presence in the world. Our auras. I used to say yes to everything, I wanted to people please and always forgot to please myself (oops!). Having a perfectionist mentality never helped!

In today’s world we are able to say no, we are able to decline that invitation, the gesture, that we know could potentially weigh us down or affect our well being. I told someone once that the first line of my book was dedicated to the word ‘no’ and she sweetly asked if I felt bad or if I felt like some people might think it was selfish. I smiled at her and said ’no’. It means I know when to say yes to the right things.

Putting yourself first and not jeopardising your own health which I have done for most of my life actually makes your relationships and life more fulfilling and authentic because you are doing things out of a place of wanting to and having the time to. So it can feel like you are putting yourself first but actually helping others too because the time you give is more effective. Time is essentially valuable and it is when you use your energy in the right ways, not overloading yourself, not putting pressure on yourself that you can reach that place you want. Relax. Breathe. Take a moment. Focus on the experiences you want to say yes to and you will feel like there is more sunshine than that dark cloud in the world.

If you want the light, you got it.

The dream job. The ideal mental or physical health. The ideal partner. The desired location you see in your magical dreams. Believe in yourself, love and remember who you are. Own yourself, your body, your mind, your thoughts, your energy and reach that destination of getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want.

Focusing on what you do want is a much lovelier exercise isn’t it? So what you waiting for? Thank you to Ariana Grande – I popped this beautiful tune on repeat when I was writing this article. Be the Boss Queen of your story.

If you want it, you got it.


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